Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
