They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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