dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
