Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
