hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
