Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
