They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
