Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
