Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
