I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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