Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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