I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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