i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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