exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
