you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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