Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
