just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
