nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
