yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
