Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
