I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
