i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
