there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They have beer where we have blood.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
