I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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