Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize