we made out on top of his cat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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