wat bout pragnant strippers??
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
