Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
