I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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