The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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