you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize