apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
