speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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