I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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