oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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