Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
