I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
