I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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