Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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