You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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