For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
