He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
