I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
