I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
