Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
