I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
