Jerry, you need to find god
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
