just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
