I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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