do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
