I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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