I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
