Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
