I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
