Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
