He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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