Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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