good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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