I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
