i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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