Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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