ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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