This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
