tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
