i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
