he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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