I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The dick lei will go down in squad history
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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