At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize