I wish I could teleport
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
