now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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