I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
