No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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