Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
