She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
