I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
