You're completely useless in the revolution.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
