haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My balls are so social today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
