And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Less talking, more tequila
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
