you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
