Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
