My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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