just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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